Category Archives: Family

You Gotta Have Rhythm, Baby.

Rhythm Over Routine

{ via Erkka P on Flickr }

 

Routine. It’s the domain of the successful, the organised, the on-time. It’s what You Should Be Doing. Right?

But do you know what else routine is? It’s restrictive, it’s unfriendly, it’s regimented.

Rhythm, on the other hand, speaks to you. It moves you, it moves with you, it feels good.

And on the face of it, there isn’t much difference between the two. Both help you get things done, both deliver guidelines on what needs to happen and when.

The differences though, while small, are really important. And if you’re looking to create a simpler life with less stress, then…  you gotta have rhythm, baby.

Rhythm Over Routine.

After the arrival of Isla a few years ago, Sparky and I were determined to establish a routine, get her sleeping pattern regulated and create comfort and predictability for everyone involved.

As it turns out, newborn babies don’t really work like that.

In fact, life doesn’t really work like that.

It took us well over 12 months to learn that routine – a strict, sequential approach to our days – was less than helpful. It made us feel we were failing if we missed a step or fell behind.

Rhythm, however, was a much friendlier notion. It spoke of order, but also flexibility and movement and fluidity. It even sounded friendlier.

Rhythm.

Rhythm moves you. You dance to it, find your groove, let go a little, enjoy the moment and see where it takes you.

Routine? Not so much.

You march to routine. It’s a steady metronome keeping time. And if you sway, if you linger, if you move out of order or fail to complete a step, then you fail. You’re out of time. You’re lagging behind.

Rhythm allows change and flexibility for different seasons in life. Which is why rhythm wins out over routine every day.

Embracing Rhythm

To embrace this idea, you need to ask yourself some questions about the rhythm you’re creating. You could create a rhythm for your mornings, evenings, weeks, seasons or even holidays.

Choose a rhythm and ask yourself:

What are your priorities? Perhaps it’s exercising before breakfast, or taking the time to eat dinner as a family every night?

What do other people in your home need? Does your husband need time to study? Or perhaps your school-age kids need to pack their bags the night before?

What feels positive to you? What makes you feel vital and happy and energetic? Make this a priority.

What can change from the current situation? You can always get up earlier or go to bed later if needed. Similarly, if you spend a lot of time on the computer at night you can reduce that time and spend it on something else.

What can’t change – no matter how much you’d like it to? School times, bus and train timetables, meetings and appointments can’t change. Make sure you work these into your rhythm and allow some wiggle-room for the inevitable delay.

Once you’ve answered these questions, take some time to work out your best rhythm. Literally write it down on a piece of paper, establish a sequence and then bring it in to your day.

Once it’s there, you simply let your day unfold around it.

And the best thing? There’s no need to keep up a rapid tempo if it’s the season for a slower tune. Similarly, if you feel the urge for dancing, for growth, for expansion, then up the tempo and dance for your life. Always know that it’s your rhythm and you choose the pace. You choose the moves.

So You Married a Pack-Rat…

How to simplify your life if you live with a pack-rat

My life would be so simple if I didn’t have kids. Or a husband.

I wouldn’t have a PlayStation3 in the living room.  I could garden for hours, uninterrupted. There wouldn’t be a Barbie doll staring at me as I brush my teeth. I wouldn’t feel the stabbing pain of a rogue Lego block piercing my foot as I make my way to bed.  I could sleep an entire night without being woken.

But considering I love my kids and my husband dearly, living without them is not an option. This does mean, however, that living together can be problematic when we don’t share the same definitions of certain things, like:

  • clutter
  • mess
  • enough
  • tidy
  • prepared
  • relaxation

I am fortunate though, that Sparky isn’t a pack-rat. And our kids are still at an age where I can guide their keep-or-toss decisions (if I include them in the process at all). Toys sometimes disappear, as do the reams of artwork that come home from pre-school and no-one has noticed yet.

So often I receive emails from readers whose situations are different. Their partner is a pack-rat, or their children have a hard time letting go:

“My husband keeps everything, always saying we might need it one day.”

“My girlfriend has carted boxes of old school stuff and toys from one house to another. She won’t let go.”

“How can I simplify our home when it is literally bursting at the seams with his crap?”

These people – and if you live with a hoarder, pack-rat or materially sentimental person, I’m talking to you specifically – are desperate to create a simpler life for themselves, only to face opposition from their husband, wife, kids or housemates.

The truth is, there is only so much you can do in this situation, aside from tossing their belongings without permission – which I really don’t advocate!

Start the Conversation

You don’t need anyone else’s permission to simplify your own life, or even just your stuff. Undoubtedly though, it’s helpful to have support.

So start the conversation:

Bring up your desire to simplify.

Make it about you and your desires, and avoid accusations or judgement. The quickest way to get people off-side is to start a conversation with an accusation. Their defences will go up and they won’t be receptive to anything else you have to say.

Talk about what you need and want from life.

Tell them that you want to start simplifying your life and will begin with your belongings. Tell them that you feel frustrated, stuck, overwhelmed or depressed and that the clutter in your home is adding to the problem. Tell them how you plan on going about simplifying and then ask if it’s something they are interested in. You could be surprised at the answer!

If you live with others – kids, housemates, relatives – talk to them too.

You’re not asking for permission, you’re just telling them what will be happening and why. (Bonus: you may just inspire them to action too.)

 

Now…Walk the Walk.

It’s time to show the conviction behind your words.

Do the decluttering, cut out unnecessary commitments, create a simpler life for yourself and enjoy the benefits. You will have more space, more time, more room to pursue passions and hobbies and more clarity about what makes life better.

But please, don’t:

  • brag about it
  • constantly talk about it
  • don’t toss other people’s stuff – no matter how tempting

Just by living it you are demonstrating the benefits of a simpler life. Let your partner, kids or housemate see simplicity in action. Let them see how it’s impacted your life. Let them see how you are benefitting.

Then, after three, six, or twelve months, you can talk about it. Ask them how they feel about simplifying some of their stuff. Even just some of your shared belongings. If they’ve been inspired by your own efforts, they may be keen to get on board. Then again, they may not.

Like I said at the beginning of this post – there isn’t much you can do about that. Just keep living your life as simply as possible and presenting them with a viable alternative. One day, your influence will make an impact.

“[They] don’t remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are.” 

― Jim Henson

Do you live with a pack-rat? Someone who keeps everything “just in case”? Do you find it difficult to simplify when faced with their opposition?

Lessons from the Nomadic Lifestyle

{via Bethany Rosselit}

{via Bethany Rosselit}

This is a post from guest contributor Bethany Rosselit of My Journey to Ithaca. Enjoy, and learn more about her fascinating life at the bottom of the post.

 

My name is Bethany, and I practice minimalism. But I am not a minimalist. I am a sailor.

Every summer, along with my husband, daughter, and cat, I make my home aboard a 29-foot sloop. Last year, we lived aboard for 91 days, with no home port and no destination. We simply took in the sights, forged friendships, and followed the wind.

Our “home” contained less than 200 square feet of living space. We cooked with propane, on a camp stove, often went without refrigeration, drank lake water on more than one occasion (we did have the added benefit of being on the Great Lakes, so it was fresh water), weathered our fair share of storms, bathed in the lake when public showers weren’t available, and shared one tiny, “hanging locker” for a closet.

And it was perfect. We could have stayed there 91 more days.

When you embark on an adventure with someone – or many someones – the way you see society, daily life, the world, and each other will forever be changed. Sailing, and living nomadically, taught us many lessons that we brought with us when we returned to our life on land for the school year. And those lessons are what I would like to share with you today:

1. Living in limited space, with limited possessions, limits the amount of time you spend managing your possessions. “Housework,” on the boat consisted of a 5-minute clean-up, first thing in the morning. We had time to do what we wanted to do.

2. Not walled in by possessions, you become a part of the community. Things we normally did at home, we now needed to do in town. We visited the library. We went to the Laundromat. Even our home, when we were in a slip, was in a public venue. As we ate our meals, played with our daughter, or grilled, we met runners, salespeople, and other travelers, who were happy to hear our story and share theirs.

3. Children can have more fun in a great town, without toys. My daughter (known as Jelly Bean) had much more fun jumping off the side of the boat (with a life jacket and a line!), playing with the other kids at the park, and simply interacting with passers-by, than she ever has had in her well-stocked playroom. Interaction, new sights, and family time can replace a huge toy collection, easily.

4. Without all the distractions, you have real conversations. We haven’t had a television for 9 years (or so – I don’t remember!), but my husband and I still find ways to be distracted from each other at home. He’ll play a video game or surf the Internet; I’ll read an e-book or write a blog post. On the boat, we have much LESS of that. We interact with each other, and discuss our hopes and dreams in ways we never do at home.

5. Problem solving together helps you to grow closer. You will have problems. And you will have to work together to solve them. But facing a seemingly impossible task together will create a bond. Our first summer, we worked together to get our boat off of the rocks, then to motor it, six hours, to a safe port while it was taking on water. Last summer, we dealt with engine failure while motoring into unbelievably heavy winds. Being able to toast each other and say “we made it!” will bring you closer to each other.

6. Being out of your “safety zone,” you learn to weather unpredictability. When living nomadically, you’re out of that house in the suburbs. You’re out of daily life, with its script and predictability. Random things can happen. They can be either great of horrible, but you learn to deal with them. This is a tremendous lesson, because the predictability of daily life is only an illusion anyway.

7. There is freedom in not having a destination. We’re a goal and end oriented society. We like to talk about “where we’re going.” And, last summer, it kind of bothered people that we didn’t have that “where.” We weren’t going anywhere – we were sailing! When you enjoy the process – the journey – and take in all that it has to offer, you gain something much more valuable than any destination.

You don’t need to live aboard for 91 days to experience the joy of a nomadic lifestyle. Just going on a weeklong – or weekend-mini-adventure could teach you a great deal. But, beware – one adventure almost always leads to another, even greater adventure.

 

About Bethany Rosselit:
Bethany writes about her family, adventures and worldview at MY Journey to Ithaca. SHe is mindful, funny, intentional, inspirational and a fabulous storyteller. Read more about her adventures in sailing and minimalism here.

 

 

 

On Breaks and Holidays

Taking a Break

 

I’m taking a break over the holidays. I think you should too. After all, it’s an opportunity to reconnect – with family, friends, spirit, passions, hobbies and yourself. And, if I’m honest, I’ll also be reconnecting with test cricket, mojitoes and afternoon siestas.

So often we lament the fact that we don’t have enough time to relax, to connect, to just be. So let’s not waste this time of year. Let’s make it count.

I’ll be taking a digital sabbatical from today through to mid-January. To be truthful, you may not even notice I am gone. Things will be quiet this week – I’ll be walking the simple-living-walk and taking the Christmas week to reconnect and recharge – so there will be no new post this Thursday.

Aside from that though, I’ve scheduled some great posts for the break and there will be something new to read every Monday and Thursday, as usual. The difference being I won’t be around to reply to comments, Tweets or emails. And being that I’m not the Leader of the Free World I think the earth will continue to turn in my absence.

Holiday Reading

If you’re anything like me, you will be looking forward to some reading time over the holidays. And while I am demolishing Hunger Games (I know, I know), you may be looking for some reading material that is slightly less… brutal. So, for you, I’ve put together the 10 most popular Slow Your Home posts of 2012:

21 Quick Actions You Can Do Today to Simplify Your Life

The Ultimate Clutter-Free Gift Guide

The Ultimate Guide to Creating a Beautiful, Clutter-Free Home

Get Rid of Your Paper Clutter Once and For All

Simple Living. It’s Ridiculously Complex

How To Run Your Household Budget

9 Kick-Arse Reasons to Slow Your Home

12 Things Happy People Do Differently

The Antidote to Perfection is LIFE

The New York Times Best-Selling Author…And Me.

 

And don’t forget, you can also pick up a copy of my new e-book ‘Destination: Simple – Rituals and Rhythms for a Simpler Daily Life’ here for just $6.99. It could be exactly what you need to make 2013 your simplest, happiest year yet!

In Other News

As of January 2, those of you on the Slow Your Home VIP List will not be receiving blog updates via email anymore. I’ve decided to help you minimise the number of unwanted emails blocking up your inbox, and instead will only be sending the fortnightly Slow Home Newsletter as well as the occasional email with an exclusive simple living tip or idea.

If you’re not already part of the Slow Your Home Tribe, you sign up right here to join us.

And if you’d like to keep receiving those emails notifying you of new blog posts, simply add your email address here.

Finally, The Merriest of Merry and Happiest of Happy

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas, wherever you are.

Much love,

Brooke xx

Merry and Bright and… Simple

An early Christmas gift from me (and my incredibly helpful children) to you, this holiday season…

Please feel free to share it.

You can’t possibly know how much you mean to me, coming here and reading and contributing and teaching. Suffice to say, I am a very lucky woman to have you. Very lucky indeed.

Brooke xx

(Music provided by Royalty Free Kings.)

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